Finding the Right Love: Why A Healthy Relationship Should Elevate You, Not Bring You Down

In the journey of love, we all face moments of doubt about the relationships we hold dear. A quote that I read today inspired this blog, "There is no person on this earth that is worth you losing sleep at night, feeling like you're not worthy." This powerful statement serves as a gentle reminder that love should inspire us, not pull us into feelings of anxiety or self-doubt.

A healthy relationship is a source of strength and comfort. It should encourage you to be your best self, not make you feel like you're treading on thin ice. According to studies, 58% of people in tumultuous relationships report a drop in their emotional well-being. Recognizing when a relationship starts to harm rather than help is crucial for your mental health/happiness, and choosing that for yourself is honoring yourself.

The moment you realize you deserve a supportive partner is transforming. Many cling to the good times—the laughter, the small acts of love. But if those moments are overshadowed by feelings of fear or not being understood, it’s time for a reassessment. Healthy love comes without strings attached. Statements like, "I dont feel sorry," serve as warning signs. They often reflect a lack of acknowledgment and understanding, essential elements for a healthy bond.

In any relationship, feeling heard and valued is vital. When your emotions are dismissed or branded as simply "drama," it creates a chasm that can be challenging to bridge. Partners who acknowledge your feelings—even if they don’t fully grasp them—foster deep respect and understanding. Your feelings whether right or wrong from a logical standpoint, they still reflect your real emotional experience in that moment or situation. Your partner acknowledging them doesn’t mean agreeing with or validating behavior that may come from them, it simply means recognizing the human need to be heard and understood. This kind of acknowledgment is the first step toward resolving conflicts and deepening your connection.

In fact, research indicates that 70% of conflicts are resolved faster when both parties engage in active listening AND taking the time to understand the other persons perspective. This trust-building practice not only strengthens relationships but also creates a safe emotional space. When I told my partner I do not do well when he would leave an argument, (yes my previous example of his nine day break, clearly this was life changing for me, it taught me so much about myself and put me in a position to stand up for myself and my feelings, no one had ever done this to me so it was a new feeling), being in a relationship with someone who did this did not make me a better person at the time, a better mother, or a better employee.

When someone you love withdraws like that, it triggers deep feelings of fear and confusion. Instead of becoming someone in my life who inspired me to be better or create a safe space, I unraveled, my mind and body were reacting to a sudden loss of safety and connection. He never got that, or cared to understand that. I gave him a few chances on this matter, but when someone uses leaving as a form of power, control and punishment because you stood up for your feelings, and then after you explain to them how this made you feel and they respond, "I don’t feel sorry." Well, I am sorry you are no longer invited into my life.

The quest for the right love can be daunting, but it’s important to stay committed to finding a healthy relationship. Prioritize your emotional health through self-discovery. Seek relationships that elevate you, challenge you to grow, and provide the stability you deserve. Love is meant to be a beautiful experience—one that enriches your life and guides you toward becoming the best version of yourself.

Finding the right love is about companionship and identifying someone who complements your life and encourages you to shine. So, remain hopeful; the right person is out there, ready to uplift you in ways you might have never imagined. For me, I may have felt broken for a moment, but I am not staying there. I am climbing that hill, one step at a time, becasue I know my worth. I trust that God has someone truly special waiting for the version of me that never gave up.

xx Gretchen